My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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