he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
