he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
is wine microwaveable?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
