Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
