We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize