one might say we're banned from that church
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
