im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Randomize