Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just gargled with NyQuil
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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