Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just had sex on a roof
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
