No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
