I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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