After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
