And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
