A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
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Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
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So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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