Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
