i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
