The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
