Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
