I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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