Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
