You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
