Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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