Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
