I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
