My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
