Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
