Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
