Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
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