smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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