i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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