did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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