I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
