; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
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On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
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"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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