lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
