Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
