There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
