once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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