Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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