if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
