pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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