if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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