I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
