it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
