I'm going to jail i love you
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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