I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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