Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just blew my weed a kiss
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
