Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
