Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
