soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
