Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
