He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
