Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
