Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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