He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
