I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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