i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
