How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
