oh god the rape fog is back!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
