she looked like the bat from fern gully.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
