last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
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My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
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I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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