OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
